How to Manage Your Relationship with Your Significant Other While Building Your Business | Ep. 204 | Mind Podcast

Summary

Building a business is hard, takes a lot of dedication, time and most importantly support from your significant other. 

When we talk about our “team” we’re often talking about the people who work in our company. Yet, our most important “team” is the one we go home to.

In this Friday edition of Having Coffee with Danielle, we talk about our experience and what it takes to have a successful loving relationship with our significant others while building our business.

Links from the show:

• Logitech Conference Video Conference Webcam, HD 1080p Camera with Built-In Speakerphone
• Domestic Divas Cleaning Co.
• EDGE

About the EDGE’s Friday Show
Every Friday Danielle Jenkins, founder of Domestic Divas, and I talk show over coffee.

Danielle and I each run businesses doing millions in revenue each year. We grab a coffee and pull back the curtain on our businesses.

We talk about what’s working, what’s not, what software and systems we use, sales and marketing, our own wellness and other challenges and solutions we’ve discovered running a business.

Hello Friends.

Brandon:

Welcome to friday’s edition of the Edge today.

Brandon:

Danielle and I are talking about how to manage your relationship with your significant other while building your business. We took some twists and turns and actually we’re trying to figure out a few things in this discussion. At the end. We get to conclusion on what it takes to have a successful relationship with your significant other while you’re building your business. And we came up with a pretty cool paradigm and use of words that you can use as a tool set to improve it. You enjoy this episode, Here’s your Edge.

Brandon:

Welcome to the Edge podcast, your weekly playbook about the inner game of building a successful business, making you a happier, healthier and richer business owner and here’s your host, Brandon White. What’s going on? I’m totally sitting here talking to myself on mute.

Brandon:

Oh my God, you kill me.

Danielle:

That’s what happened sometimes. Did you did you got another, you still using that camera that I sent?

Brandon:

You think my original Mac camera, what happened to the one you bought it didn’t do what it was supposed to do.

Danielle:

So, and I’m in my office today instead of home, so I don’t have it with me.

Brandon:

But since you told me that that wasn’t the right one because the quality was just the same as mine.

Danielle:

I haven’t used it.

Danielle:

I thought you were going to send that back and then by the other one I was going to, you know, I just haven’t gotten around to it.

Brandon:

That’s sort of like a paint your White board thing.

Brandon:

Yes.

Danielle:

Like your white board.

Brandon:

Yeah, that’s what happens.

Danielle:

We’re supposed to be talking about managing your relationship while running the company.

Brandon:

You got a man.

Danielle:

I was thinking this morning as I was running three minutes late here, I have to learn how to manage myself.

Brandon:

But for all the listeners out there who if I were listening would be thinking what camera did you recommend to Danielle that you would get and I need to look that thing up on amazon. It’s the best camera I’ve ever had. People compliment me on and all the time.

Brandon:

I mean, yeah, your equality is great. I am super impressed with the fact that it turns, which I did want to get that because when I do a lot of presentation via zoom, then I can turn it to what I’m showing, which I love.

Danielle:

That’s exactly right and it can go up or down or right, I can go all the way around.

Danielle:

But uh yeah, then I can turn it to the, if I was doing a presentation on the whiteboard.

Brandon:

But truth is the white board thing is an interesting topic but I really haven’t needed the whiteboards and maybe that’s why I haven’t done the white board.

Brandon:

But let me get this before we move on, get this camera or web can model so that listeners out there can get, it’s the best webcam I’ve ever.

Brandon:

It’s a little bit expensive.

Brandon:

Really.

Brandon:

It’s only what, $250.

Brandon:

Yeah.

Brandon:

I mean for some people that might be a lot of money for a webcam.

Brandon:

But if you’re in business and given the all the remote work now and I want you to call it remote work.

Brandon:

And the new variant which probably will extend people working from home.

Danielle:

God the lodge a tech conference video camera webcam.

Brandon:

HD 10 80 P camera with built in speaker phone.

Brandon:

I will put a link to this web cam in the show notes.

Brandon:

I highly recommend it.

Brandon:

And not only has it not only has all of this remote control right here, but very good, but it has hired you to to promote it.

Brandon:

Well I studied your beauty pageant videos where you where you’re waving Yes, very gracefully.

Brandon:

Yes.

Danielle:

And I’m like the ladies on the price is right that I grew up with.

Brandon:

I love that.

Brandon:

Uh that was with bob barker.

Brandon:

I actually remember watching that when I was home like sick from school with bob barker.

Brandon:

Yeah, that’s the only thing that was on at 11:00 PMclock Yeah 11 and it was on every, every day at 11:00.

Brandon:

Here’s an interesting thing.

Danielle:

Remember that long microphone that he had was sort of, I’ve only seen him have it may be the new host of, I don’t watch Price is right anymore but it was a long mike with a little mike on top, right?

Brandon:

And it was weird because it was long, the interesting thing is that this webcam, the lodge tech conference video camera of which I have no stocking but um 10 80 P.

Danielle:

Camera with built in speakerphone, it has a I guess stem just like that mike that bob barker used to have and then the camera can sit on top so you can actually raise it because you really wanted it high level, you don’t want it looking up at your chin or looking down on you.

Brandon:

It looks it distorts the the picture.

Danielle:

Um but yeah we’ll put that in the show notes for people, I highly recommend it.

Brandon:

It’s been an incredible camera is $254.49 cents and free shipping with prime on amazon is that U.

Danielle:

S.

Brandon:

Dollar.

Danielle:

Yeah how how different is Canadian dollars?

Brandon:

I don’t actually know the exact well let’s do it.

Danielle:

I can do it much different.

Brandon:

I think it’s probably like mhm three Maybe 300 Maybe.

Brandon:

Canadian.

Brandon:

How come you’re all dressed up today?

Brandon:

I have meetings today, Brandon today is not a relaxing friday for me, you sound super enthusiastic about.

Brandon:

No, I usually am excited, there’s lots of exciting projects happening but um it’s just been a busy week.

Brandon:

I mean this time of year is crazy for us anyways because of christmas and year end and all of those things but um we have projects going on, like crazy developments that are delayed and then just everything is a whirlwind.

Brandon:

So that’s what I’m dealing with.

Brandon:

Sounds super exciting.

Brandon:

So it’s uh 300.

Brandon:

It’s actually, I don’t know what, it’s actually more than I thought but it’s 335.

Brandon:

Okay 0.92 in Canadian.

Danielle:

What is the Canadian dollar?

Brandon:

Is it called?

Danielle:

A Canadian dollar?

Brandon:

Yes it is a Canadian dollar.

Danielle:

I don’t know, maybe they have some like thing, I don’t know like a pound from where you’re from.

Danielle:

Right?

Danielle:

No it’s not a pound.

Brandon:

It’s a it’s a Canadian dollar.

Danielle:

Well there you go.

Brandon:

So $254.49 in US dollars and 325 at 92 as of today.

Danielle:

If you pay in Bitcoin pay at your own risk.

Danielle:

Yeah right.

Danielle:

Somebody told me they’re getting paid and oh I read about an NFL player getting paid in Bitcoin.

Brandon:

I think it’s a great idea as long as it keeps going up.

Brandon:

I mean Uh looks like the markets are going crazy today because they’re all freaked out about 10, 10 things.

Brandon:

But um what is Bitcoin at?

Danielle:

I don’t know, I don’t follow Bitcoin, You don’t, it’s about 55 grand.

Brandon:

55 500 still up there.

Danielle:

Someone I saw a post yesterday said it was going to There, they predict it’s going to go to 100 1000.

Brandon:

No way I think it, I think I saw on something kevin o’leary from shark tank, you know him, right.

Brandon:

Um he I guess put on social media saying that for those who are skeptical Bitcoin, the Bitcoin train has left the station and it’s here to stay because there’s lots of transactions happening in Bitcoin and so if you’re not on it get on it.

Brandon:

Yeah.

Brandon:

Yeah.

Danielle:

Well I I hope you just hope you just closed the fiends or not.

Brandon:

But um I don’t think, I mean I don’t think it’s going away.

Brandon:

I think the other coins are risky.

Brandon:

I think other coins like your ethereum can will, I’m writing down some notes for a podcast.

Danielle:

The I think the uranium will go up because a lot of things are building being built on uranium and uranium I think is only that 4500 or something a coin I think that actually could double but you know I’m not a financial advisor, this is just my take, I’ve been buying it, I bought Bitcoin when it was down to 52,000.

Brandon:

So I’m a believer.

Brandon:

The real question you have to ask yourself is okay well if I’m going to Make 100% on that, could I make 100% of the stock And I think you can make some 100% in stocks especially after today and it’s getting crushed.

Brandon:

So I don’t know.

Brandon:

Um but today’s topic is how to run a no manage relationships while being an entrepreneur or business owner.

Danielle:

Yeah.

Danielle:

Um Do you want to start that.

Danielle:

Yeah, I think when I was, I was going through kind of our topic, ideas that we had and I think it’s something that I’ve had to deal with and I have both sides of the spectrum and experience on it.

Danielle:

Um good and bad, so I may not be right about it, but it’s my experience and then I can see kind of the differences in the people too.

Brandon:

It’s not just necessarily us or you know me, it definitely helps to have somebody who understands.

Brandon:

So I guess how do I want to start this conversation?

Brandon:

Um I guess let’s just stay this way being self employed business owner, entrepreneur my first 3 to 4 years, I was with somebody who the relationship didn’t work because we were both on different paths um as we know, being an entrepreneur, business owner is a very different mindset than the normal, I don’t want to say a normal person, but the other mindset of, you know that regular job 9 to 5 entrepreneurs, we never seem to shut off, so it’s harder.

Brandon:

But then now I’m in a relationship where it is absolutely amazing because that person understands, so I don’t know do you think I should maybe elaborate more on on what didn’t work in the first relationship?

Brandon:

Well you can, but but I’m going to say that I actually don’t know what you just said is correct as it relates to they understand.

Brandon:

I think it goes deeper, but sure you can talk about um I think the understated quick comment, I’m catching on to your quick comment.

Brandon:

I mean I mean people say quick comments in passing because in their subconscious that’s what’s coming out.

Brandon:

Yeah.

Brandon:

You know, I know.

Brandon:

Um All right, well, yeah, I think you should talk about you can talk about how in the first relationship, how that didn’t work and why you think it didn’t work.

Brandon:

Um Okay, so the first relationship, you know, we we are happy together um great person, him and myself and supportive of the goals, the ideas, the outcome of being self employed, business owner, entrepreneur.

Danielle:

But as we know as business owners, it’s difficult.

Brandon:

Um as I said, it’s not a 9 to 5 shot off even yourself.

Brandon:

You know, you’re always kind of going on side hustles or extra things you’re doing, you don’t just shut off five o’clock.

Danielle:

So when I said, I don’t think they understand that was probably a harsh term.

Danielle:

Um it’s just not what they’re used to, that’s not their employment, right?

Danielle:

So the biggest thing was there was not a lot and I’m taking the blame on this when I say this because my focus was the company was the business was the journey, especially in that startup phase, right?

Danielle:

The first 2 to 4 years.

Danielle:

I mean you’re you’re hustling.

Danielle:

I mean I I do now, but it’s definitely you can’t afford or you you think that you can’t afford to miss one meeting, one, this one event that’s very important to your growth and your network.

Danielle:

Um so it got, I mean it was always great, we always had a great relationship, but there was just not and maybe it comes down to his person or his mindset as well when it came to goals and growth, like as entrepreneurs were always over thinking, we’re always looking forward into the future and next goals, next steps, next projects like even yourself, you could retire, but you’re excited about the next thing.

Danielle:

So his mentality was, you know, like when it slows down, when it slows down then we can do this, when it slows down, we can do this and I just don’t think there was ever any or will be ever any slowing down, you know, there’s always things to be doing and I just, I guess the biggest thing and then my head’s just kind of going around in circles with this topic because there’s so many things that we can talk about, whether it’s, it was him or myself or just a company in general, we were just on different paths when it came to goals, there was no common communication and conversation in regards to what I wanted to talk about and what he wanted to talk about and I don’t think that’s necessarily has to do with even just being an entrepreneur, it’s just, I definitely struggled with having conversations about things that were important to the company or to myself that he didn’t necessarily understand and and of course he’s not going to understand, he’s not going to understand, you know, accounting stresses and employee stress is because he’s an employee and not that there’s anything wrong with that, but that was a struggle because when I’m, you know, upset or complaining or something’s wrong with an employee, his answer is, oh, we’ll just get rid of them.

Danielle:

Well, okay, it’s easier said than done, right?

Danielle:

So there were different kind of aspects that we were both on different paths about that we couldn’t really have similar conversation about.

Brandon:

And then even just down to the goals, you know, trying to talk big goals with, with somebody who doesn’t necessarily have big goals as hard as that may not be even being a business owner thing, it’s just some people just don’t have that vision or that goal that you can, you know, communicate with.

Brandon:

So, and I think after a while it just gets to a point where you feel like it’s not ever going to work or you can have those conversations, so, and then it came down to what I said, maybe it’s my fault because then I stopped putting in the effort and then the company did take over my personal time, you know, um, instead of choosing between time with with him and time with the company, was always time with the company and in my head I almost thought, well you know I’m just doing the right thing for the company, I’m just growing the company, I’m doing this event for networking for the company, you know, things like that, but I can understand on his side how I just looked selfish and all I cared about was money and so that we’re thing, those were comments that were made at me all the time, you know, you don’t care about anything else about your success unless it’s your success or your money.

Brandon:

Um So those were kind of the things and I think that a lot of it just has to do with that startup period where you’re just so passionate, you’re so excited and your personal relationships fail.

Brandon:

I mean I’ve even lost friends, not just a boyfriend um friends over it, you know, I can’t always just drop everything and go to a girls night on a thursday night and get hammered because I have to wake up it for to work out and to go to my meetings for 67 A.

Brandon:

M.

Brandon:

So I think a lot of it comes down to a just a different lifestyle um that people just don’t understand and I think that that that was probably what I meant by understand.

Brandon:

Um Well there was a lot there, I’m sorry, I just kind of you don’t have to be sorry.

Brandon:

I I think that it’s not that well I’m going to work backwards from what I remember before I go, so I’m gonna work from the most recent thing you said and back, but I don’t think that you can’t go out and drink with your girlfriends.

Brandon:

I think you don’t want to go out to drink with your girlfriends and there in lies the delta between where they are in their life and their goals and what you want to do.

Brandon:

So if you’re not, if people aren’t aligned, it probably is not going to work, but We’re 21 minutes into this shell and I could probably sum it up pretty quickly.

Danielle:

And I think I get to say that I’m an expert after 27 years in a relationship and and running way too.

Danielle:

I mean, yeah, I’ve done, I had two exits, but I’ve tried 25 other things that we’re really projects that, you know, I dived into, but so I’m just setting the stage to say it wasn’t just two things and you know, there was, there was a lot of, there was a lot of efforts and a lot of things and a lot of failures along the way, you know, you always want the success is to be better, but which luckily they can be, and they have been for me, but the um I think at the end of the day it comes down to dot just how do you manage your relationship, you’re managing your relationship with your significant other while running a business, ultimately it comes down to breaking, like, just throw away the business thing for a minute or anything, right?

Danielle:

Because it could be a business where it could be riding your bike.

Danielle:

I mean, you know, I have people, I have friends who love to ride their bike and are in relationships that that becomes a problem.

Danielle:

Right.

Danielle:

Right, Right.

Danielle:

Hey, you’re spending 10 or 15 hours a week riding your bike well, like you spending it with that person, but well, that’s how they see it.

Danielle:

Which is from their perspective to your point, Absolutely correct viewpoint.

Danielle:

I mean, that’s how they do it, but it goes deeper than that.

Danielle:

And if if you asked me what has been the key just saying, I mean in today’s day and age dame with one person for five years is an accomplishment.

Danielle:

Yeah.

Danielle:

I mean, I know people have been divorced three times in, in the time that I have one relationship, I’m not picking on anyone.

Danielle:

I’m just saying in today’s day and age it seems difficult.

Danielle:

But the key has been that a relationship must be, in Brandon’s opinion, something in addition to your already existing life.

Danielle:

Yeah.

Danielle:

Because if that’s not the case, all of the things that you describe so far and that people describe is a symptom of that problem.

Danielle:

And what happens is is that imbalance creates anxiety, it creates co dependence, it creates jealousy, it creates insecurity in themselves.

Danielle:

I’m not picking on anyone.

Danielle:

This can happen to anyone in any situation, but there in lies the difference.

Danielle:

The and most people, the other challenge you have is that when you start, if you start dating someone, I mean I had a long time relationship I guess for a young person through high school and my first or second, I don’t know, I think sex is always the last thing to go.

Danielle:

So you sort of got to figure out if that’s actually the relationship or just the end of the relationship, it’s not really the relationship, but um you know that relationship, I mean, your brain isn’t even developed until you’re, You know, 23, 24, 25 years old.

Danielle:

I mean literally your brain is not functioning.

Danielle:

That’s a that’s a scientific fact and you’re dealing with all these emotions, you’ve got all these hormones, you know, you’re just, it’s a crazy time.

Danielle:

So when I look back on that, I’m like, wow, you know, I mean some just really stupid um and the other thing about that is that you don’t necessarily know who you are.

Danielle:

I mean, some people start to get, you know, late in high school, I think I always had a grip on who I was, but you don’t get to develop your own identity and have enough confidence to not have these not to let the insecurities that you have affect your behavior and what happens is that people let the insecurities affect their behavior and they become, they feel guilty and that turns into this, you know, as my friend john would say self licking ice cream cone, that just takes you down the spiral that you know, it’s very hard to stop without help.

Danielle:

Yeah, or without the ability to separate you from some logical part or objective part that gives your self criticism, so to speak or does it check in.

Danielle:

But um the reason that it’s worked is because even at night new, don’t say we completely new who we are, but the relationship was something that we were already was in addition to an already existing life and we both accept that, right?

Brandon:

So, You know, at the time that, that I started dating bet it was, I think I was 26, but um now, so must have been earlier.

Brandon:

So 20, years, is it really 27 years?

Danielle:

He was 25, Maybe it’s 25 having fun 25 years.

Brandon:

But um the we, we were both at a place where you know, we have had other relationships, we understood that how, how things not necessarily go bad, like I’m not like you, I’m not characterizing, you know, it was what it was, there was fun times, there’s no question, but it wasn’t necessarily quote unquote a fully healthy relationship, it is that we were like, hey look this is how this is going to work at least right now and I think I didn’t finish the thought.

Brandon:

The other challenge when you start dating early And I think even in your 20’s is you change.

Brandon:

Oh for sure.

Brandon:

And if you’re not willing to accept that other person for who they are, you know, and people will say, you know this whole except people who they are.

Brandon:

Well, there’s parameters right?

Brandon:

Like event hates dishes in the sink at night and I could just, I’m not saying that I could care less.

Brandon:

I like I’m a neat person.

Brandon:

But there’s times when I’m like, hey look, you know, I just, yeah, I just don’t want to do it.

Brandon:

And I, you know when I’m alone, any veg traveling on either a dog show or doing whatever I eat with one plate, one knife, one fork and one cup.

Brandon:

I mean, yeah, I don’t, I just, and that’s all I use.

Brandon:

But on my point there is is that you, you’ve got to be willing to compromise on these these little things if someone wants to make the bed, you know, like I’m not going to make the bed.

Brandon:

That’s probably not one that I would, you know, I wouldn’t die on that hill.

Brandon:

That seems like a pretty easy solution to do.

Brandon:

Plus you should make your bed first thing in the morning.

Brandon:

It’s a good thing for feel like you accomplished something.

Brandon:

But um, I think that it all comes down to if you don’t have someone who accepts you for who you are and I, you know, that’s why I jumped on that comment that you made is they don’t understand or they do understand and they accept it.

Brandon:

I actually don’t think that’s enough because I think eventually over 75 I give it five, five years of understanding wears out for sure.

Brandon:

It does right?

Brandon:

I mean, you know, and if the other person doesn’t and some people say, well we think that’s really sad Bannon because you guys have separate things or you like separate things and you know, you ride your bike in that lonely and well, no, not at all.

Brandon:

I think I think that this perception in society is is that you have to do everything together.

Brandon:

It I mean ah you know, I don’t even think men or women designed to live together.

Brandon:

I mean I mean I’m seriously that’s different.

Brandon:

Yeah, I mean it’s just a different, you know and this whole thing like, oh we’re all human, we are all human.

Brandon:

But here’s the fact people, men are biologically, this could be a flash for some people.

Brandon:

Men are biologically different than women and women are biologically different than men.

Brandon:

It’s just a fact, right?

Brandon:

Like I’m not saying it’s good or bad.

Brandon:

Yeah, I’m just saying it’s a fact.

Brandon:

Yeah, no, it’s true.

Brandon:

And even to answer that Brennan like there’s like memes on instagram and stuff all the time, right?

Brandon:

Where it’s like there’s a picture of one big empty room, one lawn chair and a tv sat on an old box and you know, and a set of mismatched curtains and they always, it’s always that joke where men are so easy to make happy because as long as they have that they’re good, right?

Brandon:

Like they don’t need decorative plants popping everywhere or decorative pillows where for me that’s important.

Brandon:

Right?

Brandon:

So just down to your fact on, you know like how men and women do think differently in that regard.

Brandon:

Like I’m sure that likes to do gorgeous dinner layout with three different plates and a wine glass in a water glass in three different sets of knives and forks where you eat with the same fork and knife for three or four days.

Brandon:

Yeah, she’s actually not that extreme but you know she does like, you know a more organized, let’s say situation and not so you know very um you know, I eat for function.

Brandon:

I’m not saying that I enjoy eating, but I eat for function.

Brandon:

Like I’m eating, I eat tries to tip and a salad last night.

Brandon:

I do like it and I’m eating it because it’s protein and a vegetable and you know, I mean, you know I gotta do is tune into your instagram and it’s very clear that you like good food but you also like the your part and and if people don’t accept that in you at some level then this is a hard and I’m not suggesting to anybody listening for you Danielle that it’s easy, but it will be extremely hard if you don’t have enough courage to say, you know what I really do, like you maybe even love you, but we are, this is not going to work and I had to do that with my, my last relationship, you know, max, he was a great guy.

Danielle:

Um would do anything for me even when we actually ended the relationship, it was hard, it was really hard.

Brandon:

Um because great people together, you know, I’m a great person, he’s a great person.

Brandon:

We had fun together when we did if we did because the thing is even just like, you know me, you know, you know that I like eating and I don’t okay eating, I like eating yes, but I like the dinner environment, I like the dinner atmosphere.

Brandon:

I love dinner parties.

Brandon:

That’s a me thing.

Brandon:

So food for me is always fun.

Brandon:

I love making food.

Danielle:

I love presenting food with different plates, different decor.

Brandon:

That’s a me thing.

Brandon:

So whenever there would be dinner parties say pre covid max hated dinner parties.

Brandon:

He hated wearing nice clothes.

Brandon:

He always loved to just wear his like regular blue jeans, not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just different kind of standard and things that they enjoy.

Brandon:

So max was very much a blue jeans, work boots, you know, t shirt and having a couple beers with his buddies in the shop, I am very much different where I enjoy going out.

Brandon:

So there was always this runaround joke with kind of like our colleagues and group of friends that Danielle’s boyfriend was make believe, right, because I was always in a relationship and nobody ever saw max because max never wanted to be there.

Brandon:

So you know, just that on its own is kind of difficult, right?

Brandon:

So max is a great person and I, you know, he’s with another woman now who is very much what max enjoys to do, she enjoys the same kind of thing and we stay in touch and we’re still very amicable.

Brandon:

Um but just two different people and I had to just be very honest about that where you know, max, you’re a great guy, I love you dearly, you’re a part of the family, but we don’t have the same path.

Brandon:

You know, like we would always laugh and joke about our futures and it’s a laugh and a joke, But at the same time subconsciously you’re thinking like that’s actually what this guy wants and we want something totally different, you know, like I want to retire young and be able to travel and have different projects and stuff Max’s version of retirement would work until he’s 65 and then go and live up at his hunt camp in literally the middle of the woods and live off the land.

Brandon:

So what would have happened if we would have like put those things aside, stay together, stay together.

Brandon:

We hit 65 and now I want to buy a yacht and travel the world and he wants to live up in the woods, you know what I mean?

Brandon:

So we really have to take that step back and notice those things and discuss them and say like you know our futures are not aligned and max very much wanted Children and wanted to be a stay at home dad, which is fine.

Brandon:

I am not knocking that at all and he wanted to take our Children up to the hunt camp.

Brandon:

So the same thing, he would joke, oh Danielle can work in the city mail us some cash and we’ll be fine up in the woods taking care of the kids.

Brandon:

But that’s what max wants, you know what I mean?

Brandon:

So for me I wasn’t ready to have Children yet and he kept saying oh you know, well we’ll just wait, we’ll just wait, we’ll just wait.

Brandon:

And I said to him, I don’t want him to be 35 40 years old with no kids yet.

Brandon:

And then we’ve just wasted another 10 years and now he resents me because we still don’t have Children because he was trying to put that aside.

Brandon:

So I said you need to go after like what you want and I’m going to go after what I want and we’re going to have to part ways and so You know like I 100% agree with you where you do have to kind of it’s it’s that addition to what you already like.

Brandon:

Like I’ve always been that kind of person max has always been that kind of person and maybe we’re we silly for getting together knowing that we were two very different people, but we kind of figured that out and dealt with it, they’re right.

Brandon:

But like you said with it being in addition to what you already are and as we evolve, you still have those same things that you enjoy and you do, you know, you, I’m sure you wouldn’t be with a vet if every time you went out on the bike, she she complained about it.

Brandon:

No, I I wouldn’t.

Brandon:

So that’s all it comes down to just accepting people and, and I’m not saying that you you don’t compromise.

Brandon:

Like if you, you know, if you have dinner parties and you’re gonna be with somebody, even if you’re different, then um you know, you do have to compromise with your partner.

Brandon:

So I think there’s that, but I’m just breaking it down to, I think people and we even framed it, you know, how do you, how do you maintain a relationship while building and running a company I think is as much about actually just having the right relationship with someone and having the courage to understand if it’s gonna work or not, if you have minor differences, that’s fine.

Brandon:

I mean, first date with Evette, she told me straight up what you, I found intriguing was in the conversation.

Brandon:

It was clearly liked, we liked each other and she said, hey, look, I don’t want kids.

Brandon:

So you know, if, if you feel strongly about that, let’s have lunch and move on.

Brandon:

And I was, you know, I’m always grew up on the east Coast and the very, maybe this, maybe in the east coast thing, it’s a cultural thing, which is, hey, get married, have kids, do this whole kids whatever thing.

Brandon:

And I looked at her and said, I thought to myself, like, what does she know that?

Brandon:

I don’t know.

Brandon:

Instead of saying, instead of saying, well that doesn’t fit with what I, with what what my idea is right now.

Brandon:

I was thinking, wow, what does she know that?

Brandon:

I don’t know.

Brandon:

And that was part of the intrigue.

Brandon:

And I’m not saying that it had, we had kids that wouldn’t have been, I wouldn’t enjoy kids.

Brandon:

I love kids.

Brandon:

But I will say that kids added complexity to your life.

Brandon:

And at that point I did know enough that I wanted to build my own companies, whether I wanted it needed to or whatever that was, I was clear on that and it adds, it can be done.

Brandon:

It absolutely can be done as long as you have a relationship that understands how that’s going to work.

Brandon:

But yeah, maybe understands or it maybe not just understands, but yeah, that’s not a good word.

Brandon:

It’s not understanding.

Brandon:

It’s accepting who each other are.

Brandon:

And if you know, you don’t have to accept it I guess.

Brandon:

So if you if you max accepted each other right, then that would be totally fine.

Brandon:

But you clearly didn’t accept the fact that you were going to nail money to the woods, which it’s not wrong, right?

Brandon:

I’m saying people want that could have worked if you accepted it, but you didn’t accept it because you decided that’s not what you want.

Brandon:

But most people can’t do that.

Brandon:

It’s very hard.

Brandon:

Like it’s hard enough, you know, letting someone go from your company.

Brandon:

I mean if they steal from you, it’s easy, but if they’re just not performing well, you know, and you got to do the right thing for your company, but everybody’s human.

Brandon:

So you feel that way, especially when you’re in a relationship and you know, it can be scary and if you break up with somebody, which I remember after high school, I mean going through high school with a one girlfriend through the whole thing, you become someone, you’d be, your identity is wrapped up in that relationship and then you don’t have a relationship and you’re like shit who am I not that you’re lost.

Brandon:

But it goes back to your point.

Brandon:

If you need to be you figure out you and what you know have that addition to what you already do, right?

Brandon:

Yeah.

Brandon:

You just have to yeah.

Brandon:

The relationship is an existing, the artery life already existing life.

Brandon:

And what people I find from observation is that they’ll break up with somebody and I’m like, man, you know, you should just really just be single for years to yeah.

Brandon:

And, and no search her enough, You know, a month later, two days later, 24 hours later they’re in a relationship.

Brandon:

I’m like, how did you figure out how do you figure out who you are and how you recovered or reacted to that relationship that didn’t work.

Brandon:

So I think it all comes down to this fundamental thing and agreement.

Brandon:

You know, if you’re going to start a company, I think people forget they negotiate with their co founders or their people the early people or all the people that work with them or for them, but they forget to have the conversation at home like, hey, are we in agreement that we’re both going to do this And here’s the reasons why I want to do it.

Brandon:

One is I gotta do it for myself because I want to accomplish something too is I want us to be financially free, whatever that means.

Brandon:

Um, and three, I don’t know whatever that is.

Danielle:

And you got to have an agreement now.

Brandon:

It doesn’t mean that you have agreements and agreements can change, but if you don’t have that, then you’re just going to have this.

Brandon:

You know, how many times have you heard your friends like, oh, I work in the basement at night on this, on this side project that I want, you know, this business I want to get going and then it just turns into a screaming match, then it turns into a relationship where you’re trading tokens.

Brandon:

I mean it’s you know, this Cryptocurrency token thing is not new.

Brandon:

It’s existed in relationships like, oh well you did it last night.

Brandon:

I’m going to do it like that.

Brandon:

Well, you know, I’m not real.

Brandon:

I don’t know, that doesn’t seem like a very no, I mean if that’s the system, if it’s a good system, I’m open to hearing a system that works like that.

Brandon:

But it seems to me that there’s a that that turns into it’s never balanced, right?

Brandon:

And I just think you gotta pick a partner that I’m, you know, is has some other I know because it’s it’s true, but it’s wrong.

Brandon:

No, it’s wrong.

Brandon:

It’s not understand it is has an existing life that they do things that doesn’t require the other person to be a part of it for them to feel like they’re being fulfilled by that thing, right?

Brandon:

And I agree and you know, even just back to my old relationship with that was we we did accept that that’s what I did and that’s what he did and there were lots of couples who have very different lives who they’re kind of like roommates, but is that what you want to do and so, you know, for a little bit while I was building a company, of course I was so busy, where you know, if max wanted to go and have a few drinks with his buddies in the shop, that was fine with me because max is preoccupied, I could do my thing, but then, you know, then I start not being as crazy busy and then I’m like, oh, do you want to come here?

Brandon:

No, I want to go down to such and such, right?

Brandon:

I’m like, well I don’t want to do that.

Brandon:

So then I compromise, go down and I hate it, but it’s like, I’m just doing this for max and it’s like, okay, we’ll come to the dinner party, no, I don’t want to and then, you know, it starts becoming that little bit of a battle and I’m just using the going to a friend’s and dinner party as you know, 11 thing, but there’s all those little things that are very different and if it works for your relationship, then great, but for us it didn’t and I just did not want that A little bit of guilt sometimes.

Danielle:

Like, I mean there were times where he would go or I would go, he didn’t want to come or I’m working late and I feel guilty, even if he didn’t say anything, I felt guilty because I just know that he wasn’t 100% comfortable with it, right?

Brandon:

Because yes, it’s wrong, but he didn’t understand where my passion lies behind the company and my, my need to work, to grow to get the company which were needed to be right.

Brandon:

So he wasn’t willing to accept the long days and hours that I was putting in and and to max work was work, it was a job is work, you know, there was no enjoyment behind work and I feel like a lot of people who work for another business or another company have that kind of thought process, right?

Brandon:

Like it’s it’s just a job or just work.

Brandon:

So he had a hard time understanding why I loved it so much because it was work.

Brandon:

Um and so that’s where we were there, but then this relationship, like you said, having your, your own kind of life and having that as a bonus, like Sergo is also self employed, so he automatically understands that it’s not shut off at five o’clock and be done and then just, you know drink or play video games or whatever.

Brandon:

Um He knows that you put in the work.

Brandon:

So that was a big thing for me, was having somebody who understands the business life because it’s, it’s true, it is not, not, not understanding, he has an existing life that doesn’t rely on you to validate who he is, right.

Danielle:

That is true.

Brandon:

But I, he also won’t, if I was to text him and say, hey I’m working late in the office until 8 30 because I have meetings with new clients.

Brandon:

He’s not going to say something like, oh, you value work more than me because he has to do the same thing.

Brandon:

So he does understand.

Brandon:

Well, that’s fair.

Brandon:

But yeah, I mean he does understand it because he has an existing life that doesn’t rely on you to validate him or his feelings.

Brandon:

And some people out there and be like, oh, that sounds like it’s sort of sad.

Brandon:

You know, people people have that.

Brandon:

Well, I got news.

Brandon:

It’s not sad.

Brandon:

And two is I actually had this conversation too.

Brandon:

I’ll finish my thought to is uh news flash like relationships are hard work.

Danielle:

They’re like building a business.

Danielle:

Yeah.

Danielle:

For the first three years, maybe even four years I’ve seen people fake at five.

Danielle:

You know, they’re in this in this la la land and you’re going to have sex and it’s gonna be this and you’re and and in that in that period Mhm.

Danielle:

Your hormones and emotions are running so strong that you’re actually willing to compromise anything, right?

Brandon:

Right?

Brandon:

I mean, like rose colored glasses or you’re just like whatever, because I mean, you know, people don’t want to talk about it, but, you know, having sex all the time.

Brandon:

It will change the perspective.

Brandon:

And you know, for men, you know, I mean, the joke is just ask if you want something just asking man, while they’re having sex.

Brandon:

Like it’s pretty simple.

Brandon:

I’m not magic here.

Brandon:

I mean, I don’t, I don’t mean like dumb it down, but I’m I’m not trying to offend anyone, but if you’re offended your trigger, that’s on you.

Brandon:

But um, the, the, the, the real truth is that that’s what’s happening.

Brandon:

And then After that, you actually have to put in the real work you get past 10 years.

Brandon:

Yeah, I’ll say, Okay, you made it far, you get past 15, Okay?

Brandon:

You’re starting to understand at 20, you sort of understand, you understand what, What it is and what it’s not.

Brandon:

Now.

Brandon:

Some people may get to 20 years just not dealing with it.

Brandon:

So my question to you was, did you ever have a a sit down meeting with max and just like you do with your managers and say, hey, look, here’s where we are here, here, here’s where we are.

Brandon:

This is probably not going to work.

Brandon:

Did you ever do that?

Brandon:

We had countless conversations, um, throughout the relationship and that’s like when I was joking about, like he would say when we have kids, you know, you can work in the city and then you can come up on the weekends and I’ll take care of the kids.

Brandon:

You know, obviously home dad, those were conversations that we had, we we had the normal like, okay, what are our financial goals?

Brandon:

What are our investment goals?

Brandon:

Um, Children goals, marriage goals.

Brandon:

Like one thing for us, we, we agreed that we never had to get married, That wasn’t a thing for us, right?

Brandon:

So we have those conversations and not that we ever actually sat down and went, this is where you’re at, this, where I’m at.

Danielle:

I mean we did and that’s what ended up undid us, breaking apart, been calling it quits.

Danielle:

But up until that point, we had these little conversations and in my head, I’m thinking like afterwards I think about it, I’m like, okay, like it’s funny but really is it really gonna work, right?

Danielle:

And a big thing for max, Like when we first started dating, obviously the business was getting started, I was working a lot, but I also wasn’t as busy, right?

Danielle:

Because you’re still getting those clients, You’re still figuring it out.

Danielle:

And so max max used to really love going fishing early in the morning.

Danielle:

So when we first started dating, like you said, you know, you’re giving it your all when it comes to like satisfying that person and bending over backwards and at the time, yeah, I wasn’t as busy in the morning so I could go fishing in the morning.

Danielle:

It’s not every morning, but whenever I could.

Danielle:

And so towards the end where he also realized that we really weren’t jelling, he would make little comments like, where’s the old Danielle, somebody who’s going to go fishing with me, right?

Danielle:

And I grew, like you said, you change, you grow, you evolved max didn’t, so you know, max had the same job.

Danielle:

Not again, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but Just different lifes, right?

Danielle:

Like he had the same job, the same friends, the same hobbies from the time he was 15 till the time he was 30 and you know, it was, it was just the same stuff and I loved doing some of those things once in a while, but every weekend, every time of day it’s difficult, right?

Danielle:

So at the end when we did sit down and I’m like, you know, this isn’t going to work, you know, I, I don’t feel like we’re really going to be anything in the future because we want, we both want such different things.

Danielle:

I mean, he was obviously, we were both upset about it because he’s a great person, I’m a great person and we had a great relationship putting those things aside, we were good friends, but just nothing to work towards together, No common goals, no common interests, which I do agree where you do need your own interest, but there was nothing at all together.

Danielle:

Like, you know, like, you know me, I love real estate investment, he was not interested, didn’t even see the point of it.

Danielle:

Um So that’s hard, right?

Danielle:

Like how how can I get excited and talk to somebody about something like that when they’re like, I don’t want to hear it, I don’t care about it.

Danielle:

It’s stupid and they were planning on living on their their company pension for their future, you know, so it’s hard for him to understand my hustle behind my goals because he wanted different things, you know?

Danielle:

So it was hard when we had that conversation, but I’m really glad we did because now he’s happy because that’s also on my, my mind all the time too, was I can’t do anything he wants, nor do I care to do anything that he wants.

Danielle:

And that’s a very bold statement.

Danielle:

I did not want to go fishing at 4 30 in the morning up north and freeze when I could be in my office making money to put towards my goals, you know what I mean?

Danielle:

So just different things and maybe it’s on me because I just didn’t care to do those things anymore, but now that he’s happy, he has a lovely girl who you know, enjoys freezing in the morning and going fishing and hunting and all those things and so he’s living a much happier, more fulfilled life with a partner, somebody who he can do those things with, right?

Danielle:

Um, so yeah, so I don’t know, I guess we we didn’t necessarily have back to your point, have those conversations throughout, but the many conversations that we did have led me to realize like this is not going to work and we were together for four years.

Danielle:

Yeah, I think it’s avoiding the real conversation that happens in business all the time too.

Danielle:

But and it’s hard but that you know, maybe maybe you could have cut that down to two if you would have had a harder conversation.

Danielle:

I mean I’m raising my hand here to like, you know uh what, what is it, Hindsight’s 2020 but you gotta look at those lessons, here’s why I don’t like this understanding thing okay, because it’s not powerful enough.

Danielle:

So so you and I talk here and I’m like, oh well I understand Danielle, you can’t do the show next, next friday because data data, right?

Brandon:

But then I by the way, everybody just making things up, I’m just I’m just using you and I as an example right?

Brandon:

But then friday Morning eight, I’m like well I don’t understand that anymore.

Brandon:

I mean understanding is not understanding is I would say this thin layer of of, you know, people like, well we had a mutual understand, how many times have you had a mutual understanding with someone that you mutually didn’t understand at some point afterwards.

Brandon:

Yeah, it’s just not, it’s not enough is what I’m saying, it’s not enough to just mutually understand, you’ve got to have this underlying other thing that that you either have or or our or whatever because people understand until they don’t understand.

Brandon:

It’s true, that’s why I keep pushing back and even catching myself because if I don’t want I wouldn’t want any listener to walk away from this episode and say episode and say, well I’m just gonna get my partner up understand.

Brandon:

And furthermore, how many times have you said, I understand when you really didn’t understand, but you decided to say I understood because you wanted to compromise because you either like or love that person and you just don’t want to create conflict at the moment.

Brandon:

If you, if we’re really honest with one another, how many times have any of us done that?

Brandon:

I’ve done it countless times.

Brandon:

Right?

Brandon:

And then, and then you have guilt and then you have to rationalize it and then you have to decide at some point is this going to be the hill.

Brandon:

I don’t, hey, I don’t like dishes in the sink at night.

Brandon:

Well I totally understand.

Brandon:

I don’t, I don’t, I don’t even understand.

Brandon:

I don’t, I don’t even, I’m not saying that I’m insensitive, I just don’t care.

Brandon:

But that wasn’t the hill that I was ever going to die on because I decided I decided I took, I took responsibility for what I said and said, that’s what I’m going to do.

Brandon:

But if it comes down to these core elements, well, daniel, I totally understand that you want to build your business and you have these goals and that you’re going to have to work late and then I have dinner plans on friday night and you call and say, well I got this emergency, that this thing happened and I got this, I got to go clean up this mess at this construction site.

Brandon:

Guess what?

Brandon:

All of a sudden I don’t understand anymore because Yeah, right.

Brandon:

I mean now I’m not saying that we’re not trying to create this scorecard that that never happens because that can happen, but we’re just talking about the majority of the time in your core relationship that’s in in two standard deviations from the norm, which would give you a level relationship.

Brandon:

It’s just understanding is not enough.

Brandon:

And I think I I’ll think about it more, but I just don’t think, I think you people understand until they don’t understand versus if you have this core foundation in your in these things that you enjoy to do doing, then it minimizes the I think then you have more solid foundation.

Brandon:

I think you just have to have a really solid relationship.

Brandon:

And I think for some people for better or for worse, you know, they make decisions together, they have kids and then one person, either the man or the woman decides that they want to build a business and then there in lies comes this thing and maybe it ends in divorce, which is sort of sad, but you know, it could happen and maybe that’s better than living miserably or you you do that and the two people actually have things.

Brandon:

I think a lot of it comes down to insecurity in people.

Brandon:

I agree and I mean I know a lot of people who have stayed in a relationship just to stay in a relationship and you know, I I can attest to that because like you said, if I would have had those more realistic conversations with max beforehand, Maybe we would have only been there two years instead of four.

Brandon:

but I kind of stayed because like in the back of my head, I was like, okay, maybe maybe he will get to enjoy dinner parties or you know what I mean?

Brandon:

And it’s almost like this false sense of hope that maybe one day and you do love that person, so you’re willing to kind of bend a little bit and you know, deal with more ship than you normally would.

Brandon:

I’m gonna disagree with you here, here’s here’s what humans are really doing, here’s what you’re doing when you do that, you’re rationalizing it.

Brandon:

I’m not picking on you, I’m saying I’m raising my hand, it happens, we’re human, you’re rationalizing it because ultimately what you are doing is trying to avoid pain because you’re trying to avoid the big conversation that is true, humans do that.

Brandon:

It’s just you are going to have the little conversations you’re going to rationalize it, You’re going to have hope.

Brandon:

All humans want to have hope, right?

Brandon:

A lot of things have been built on hope.

Brandon:

A lot of things have died on hope and a lot of things that died on hope that never had a chance anyway because someone had hoped that wasn’t based on a solid foundation and humans want to avoid pain.

Brandon:

Yeah, yeah.

Brandon:

You want to win in headline.

Brandon:

Uh five things to avoid when five things to avoid.

Brandon:

I bet you if we put up, I bet you we could test it.

Brandon:

If we put up the title to this episode, how to have healthy relationships while building a company versus avoid these five things when building a relationship in a related are avoid these five things when building a business and you’re in a relationship.

Brandon:

What do you think the response rate would be?

Brandon:

No, I agree with you on that because yeah, even the day that I was like, it almost just like hit me right and I was like, I can’t even do this anymore.

Brandon:

And it’s not fair to him, To me, I need to have this conversation.

Brandon:

I was sad and even though I knew that I needed to end it for for both of our sakes, I was devastated and I really did not want to have this flipping conversation and I just had to sit there and and bluntly just say like it is, this is what it is, it’s not working.

Brandon:

I’m not any longer happy or can see this going anywhere.

Brandon:

We need to end it.

Danielle:

And it was like a punch in the face for both of us and it sucked and I really do not want to do that again.

Brandon:

No, it’s terrible.

Brandon:

People avoided give you another example dot com crashed 2001.

Brandon:

We had that the fishing site and I had to lay people off and I avoided it.

Brandon:

I literally avoided like it needed to be done.

Brandon:

I mean, you know the market crash, The money was drying up.

Brandon:

There was it didn’t look good.

Brandon:

Um wound up it didn’t look, it did not look good.

Brandon:

I believe that the internet wasn’t going away, but apparently a lot of people including the market, didn’t agree with that and considering we needed money, that, you know, that’s how it worked.

Brandon:

But it did it did work out well, but I avoided it for probably four days.

Danielle:

I remember I was like, I just can’t do that.

Danielle:

I wasn’t I was saying I can’t do this.

Brandon:

I was like, I don’t want to do this because humans will endure an enormous amount of pain before dealing with almost anything.

Brandon:

I mean they bury their heads in the sand right?

Brandon:

Well, because it’s painful and it’s just one of these things, it’s the, you know, the analogy that I remind myself of in these things is are you a bison or a cow?

Brandon:

Did I tell you about that?

Brandon:

No.

Brandon:

So in the west we have bison and we have cows, Okay, storms generally come from the west to the east, there’s generally a prevailing, you know, the jet stream goes west to east and so do storms in general except on the coast generally go that way, a cow when they see the storm over the hill, we’ll start running east because they’re trying to run away from the storm, right?

Brandon:

Because they want to get away from the storm.

Brandon:

But what happens is cows are slow, so the storm catches them and they keep running in the storm, so they stay in the, in the storm.

Brandon:

Okay.

Brandon:

The bison on the, on the other hand, sees the storm coming and runs west into the storm and then get out of it and they get out of the storm significantly faster because they’re going west, the storm’s going east and voila.

Brandon:

So you have to ask yourself do you want to be a bison or do you want to be a cow?

Brandon:

Because you can be the cow, but you can get really wet, you’re gonna feel really miserable and you’re gonna be in that storm for a really long time.

Brandon:

Yeah.

Brandon:

And um, so that’s what I remind myself of when I’m, because you always feel better.

Brandon:

I mean, I know it was painful, right?

Brandon:

But would you agree it feels after you get over all the sadness and all this like things you really do feel better.

Brandon:

Oh yeah, and you just do better.

Brandon:

You know, you, you, it, I don’t want to add any kind of sarcastic, I know I’m quite a sarcastic person, like I don’t want to add any kind of like enjoyment out of, like, I don’t want these people to listen to us today and then go home and divorce their husbands because they’re going to get this glow or their wives, you know what though if if this if this conversation I’m interrupting, if this conversation sparks someone saying, you know, what am I happy?

Brandon:

This is just not working, I’m trying to build a business and it’s just not going to work.

Brandon:

Or if it only sparks someone to say, let’s have the conversation because you can have that.

Brandon:

You could have had that conversation with max and it could have, you can be like, hey, I’m not happy and he could have said, well, you know what?

Brandon:

You’re right, I’ve been insensitive, I need to work on myself, I’ve got some insecurities that aren’t, you know, being fulfilled or I haven’t figured out and you could have said the same thing and it could end.

Brandon:

It doesn’t mean that just because you have that conversation that that it has to end.

Brandon:

It can actually say, okay, I need to take a hard look at my self and say what am I willing to do because I love you and and people can do that.

Brandon:

So I don’t want anyone out there to think that just because you have that conversation, we’re saying that it couldn’t, it always ends differently.

Danielle:

But if this episode or show results in someone having that.

Brandon:

I think it’s a good thing.

Brandon:

I think it’s it could it could be sad, It could be sad, but it could also be a good thing Green and you know, and I do think, I think if you compromise on understanding and you accept the understanding peace, I think that’s a failing strategy.

Danielle:

Yeah, I like that.

Danielle:

I mean, what I was going to get at was, you know, when you were saying that it’s a good thing, it’s a great thing.

Danielle:

I mean, granted max and I had a great separation.

Danielle:

I mean, there are obviously some things that you’re not going to agree on, but we had a great separation.

Danielle:

We’re still amicable.

Danielle:

You know, when my brother got into his car accident, you know, max and I were communicating in regardless because we’re still very, you know, very much involved with the families and stuff and um but this is what I was gonna say when we split up and I actually, you know, everything was dealt with and I kind of had like moved on with my life and and then just continue doing what I was doing.

Danielle:

I people would always say, you know, you have the post divorce glow, right?

Danielle:

Or like you just look that much better or happier and it’s true.

Danielle:

I mean, the amount of stuff that weighs on you subconsciously that you have no idea about until you actually don’t have it is crazy.

Danielle:

I found myself second guessing everything.

Danielle:

Should I stay late at work tonight or is max gonna get upset.

Danielle:

Should I do this or is maximum and it just constantly weighs on you and I don’t know, I didn’t have that after we, we had separated.

Danielle:

So like you do feel better and my performance was better.

Brandon:

I was healthier.

Danielle:

I wasn’t eating so much junk and you know, so, so I definitely think it’s a good thing.

Brandon:

It could be stressful but it’s a good thing.

Brandon:

It’s like a wedding, right?

Brandon:

Like it’s good stress.

Brandon:

Well and I think the other thing that I’m thinking about when you say that it’s not the business owner just wants to do the business.

Brandon:

I mean you’ve got to want to occasionally stop at night.

Brandon:

I mean I learned how to do it.

Brandon:

It can be hard.

Brandon:

I was telling an entrepreneur yesterday.

Brandon:

Um actually she was on the podcast Tania how she is the founder and president of Mad River Botanicals and she’s like, you know, I’m just, I just, I’m overwhelmed.

Brandon:

I I’ve got, I just can’t get all this done.

Brandon:

And I said you just need to accept that you will not get everything done.

Brandon:

It wasn’t about relationships but it was about just being overwhelmed with that.

Brandon:

But I think we need to mention here that yeah, you have to want to occasionally stop doing the work to be with the other person.

Danielle:

Like it’s not a roommate.

Brandon:

I mean if you want a roommate.

Brandon:

When you said that earlier, I was like, well that might be sad, people might think that’s sad, but you know what, I don’t want to judge that for some people, that freakin works.

Brandon:

I know people who live separately and it works now.

Brandon:

Someone could say, well that’s sad, well that may be sad to you, but maybe we’re way of, of making it work well, it works for them and they, and they want to work now if they never had the conversation and they’re avoiding pain and then it is sad, right?

Brandon:

But if they, if they decided that, but I think that I think that you’ve got to want to be with one another at that core and that’s why I go back to this like core thing.

Brandon:

You, you fundamentally have to not only have a relationship as something in addition to your already existing life, you actually have to want to be with the other person.

Brandon:

So occasionally, you know, you are going to say, you know, I do it.

Brandon:

If I’m, if I’m working late, I’m like, yeah, you know what, I, not only not only does this feel like I’m working a lot, but I actually want to spend time with you bet.

Brandon:

So I’m going to stop, right or I’m not going to go biking today because I’m going to go hang out with event in the dogs.

Brandon:

I mean you do have to want that, so I don’t want to and I also down to that, right?

Brandon:

And like I think a lot of things obviously add to all of this, right?

Brandon:

So if you look at like say maximize for your relationship from the first 1 to 2 years, things were great.

Brandon:

But then like little things started happening, like, you know that all those little things are just talking about like, you know, not want to go to dinner parties, not wanting to go fishing at 4 30 in the morning and all those things like build up.

Brandon:

And then the reason I got to the point that it did where I was like, you know, sitting there going ship, you know, this is not kind of how I want my life because all those little things kind of added up and I just found myself wanting to be at work instead of wanting to be with max and it wasn’t necessarily max’s fault.

Brandon:

It’s not that max wasn’t a great person or that I didn’t love him.

Brandon:

It’s just, there was no, no common conversation, there was no common enjoyment, There was no goals that we could talk about.

Brandon:

Like, just I know that sounds really like small, but obviously there’s other things that are added to that, but those are the things, right?

Brandon:

And so then I found myself not wanting to be at home, spending time with max and so and staying with him, I mean he didn’t want to do the same with me, you know, he didn’t want to come to the office and have lunch with me, he didn’t want to do certain things.

Brandon:

So it all kind of adds up and I think it is kind of like that little vicious circle in a way because all those little things get to that point where you don’t want to wear now I’m insanely busy.

Brandon:

I mean this time of year is absolutely crazy for us and then with all these new projects that we’re doing but I know like I’m purposely made a point to put in my calendar that as of saturday tomorrow at one PM until sunday or I guess monday morning at seven a.m. I am not doing anything work wise because before I would work on a sunday and come to the office while max was out four wheeling with his friends were now like I actually kind of want to spend time with sir go because we have common interests, common goals, so we’re gonna do something together because I want to write, I love my job but I want to spend more time with sir go right.

Brandon:

So I think it just kind of adds to all of that too.

Brandon:

And I think the reality is is there’s no like this whole balanced, I’ve never done anything exceptional that’s been balanced.

Brandon:

I mean work life balance.

Brandon:

I mean I don’t, well that also to make that statement also means that you believe that work and life are separate and that may not be true for people owned businesses.

Danielle:

I actually, someone said to me, I said, oh I was talking to somebody on the phone and I said oh I gotta go do some work and like do some work.

Danielle:

It’s when was this sunday?

Danielle:

I saw somebody on the bike path and I like work.

Danielle:

It was like I want to work.

Danielle:

Yeah, I I want to do the work.

Brandon:

I think there’s that, you know, there’s but I’ve never done or achieved anything exceptional.

Danielle:

That’s really super balanced and you know, the other person has their own thing in their life and can accept that.

Danielle:

I think the word the substitution for understand is except and accepting and understanding are different.

Danielle:

I agree they’re different, accepting is, you know, it obviously is more like you said, understanding is kind of like that caught out even with work.

Danielle:

You know if somebody calls or texts me and says, hey I’m not going to complete this project because whatever stupid reason and I go, oh no worries, I understand.

Danielle:

I don’t understand, I’m just being nice because I don’t want to deal with it right now because you’re annoying me and I might say something I regret.

Danielle:

I’m not accepting it.

Danielle:

So that’s probably why I say I understand and then at a later time I will deal with it right?

Danielle:

So it’s the same thing.

Danielle:

It’s totally the same thing.

Danielle:

Yeah, accepting.

Danielle:

I think that’s the word I was trying to figure it out too.

Danielle:

Maybe we should change our vocabulary Brennan and every time you want to say, I understand we should take a step back and say, do we want to write, I accept because if we don’t accept then we shouldn’t say anything at all.

Danielle:

Well yeah or say I don’t accept that I’ll tell you I had a lady who just, she’s been awesome.

Danielle:

She just got a job, she was doing our video editing for our Youtube channel which needs to, needs to get the videos that she did, which I think are 65 videos or something that we haven’t released on Youtube yet and she didn’t awesome dot job.

Danielle:

Her name is Jenna and in the beginning and it took so long for me to find a video editor.

Danielle:

I’m saying me for us.

Danielle:

I, I did the looking to find a video editor and try one.

Danielle:

I mean it just, it took so long to get a good one and she was, she’s awesome and I have found her and then I, I hired her and then I just got busy.

Danielle:

I mean I didn’t, I did a terrible job of managing that project of getting the videos that I wanted to do And I didn’t, she was waiting on me for something for like three weeks.

Brandon:

Um and the problem was that three weeks, it wasn’t just an answer.

Brandon:

It was a script and to sit down and write a script for me, what’s that time?

Brandon:

Well, you got to sort of be in the right mindset, I guess or whatever, I don’t know, but I didn’t do it.

Brandon:

So she wrote me and she’s like, yeah, I’m not going to have you as a client.

Brandon:

And I said, I said, I wrote back, I said, well, I don’t accept that well, and and she wrote back, what do you mean?

Brandon:

You don’t accept it?

Brandon:

I said, I’m not going to accept your answer.

Brandon:

You need to give me another chance.

Brandon:

I said, and here’s what I’m going to do.

Brandon:

And she wrote, she said, you need to understand that I am a freelancer and as a freelancer, I’ve got to have some predictable revenue.

Brandon:

And I totally get that as a person who understand that.

Danielle:

I accept that I accept that that is true.

Brandon:

How about that?

Brandon:

The um except that is true because I’ve lived it.

Brandon:

But the so I think that that is a more powerful word and I agree the, you know, the understanding is just too, it’s too, if my partner significant others said, well, I understand that.

Brandon:

I probably would push back and say, well, do you actually accept it?

Brandon:

Yeah, I think I really like how this this episode went, how we were talking just about, you know, being a business owner, managing relationships and how we’ve come out with this new, I don’t want to say mindset because that’s a totally weird word for me too.

Brandon:

But just you know way of thinking when it comes to really thinking about your relationships for their befriends, whether it be boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, husbands, whatever.

Brandon:

I really like it because now we can actually take a step back and go, you know, if somebody does do something that we really don’t like, but we’re like whenever we understand we have to ask ourselves, we really accept this and then discuss further.

Brandon:

Yeah, because here’s what happens.

Brandon:

You just gave an example, somebody calls you and you say, well I understand and then you don’t understand, you just don’t want to deal with it because you’re avoiding pain and then you and then you get off the phone and either hours or the next day you feel guilty and you beat up on yourself because you didn’t actually say what you meant because you are avoiding a confrontational situation that creates guilt.

Brandon:

Now you’re in this guilt thing or cycle and that just compounds itself and then we’re the cows, then you’re a cow and then you’re just and then you’re a cow for a while.

Brandon:

Yeah.

Brandon:

How many times do you actually correct the I understand not often.

Brandon:

I mean business is different, right?

Brandon:

Like you there are things that you do just have to deal with or at the end of the day is going to cost you money or whatever it could be.

Brandon:

But you know, there are times where you just Yeah, I understand and I think you’ve got to replace the word, I’m gonna replace that word with, I think using the word except forces you to either deal with it or not.

Brandon:

Yeah.

Brandon:

Imagine you’re come out of this with this great new concept of this, like powerful pending paradigm paradigm.

Brandon:

It’s a paradigm, right?

Brandon:

Yeah, I like it.

Brandon:

So I hope all these people are now going, going to go through my day and if I don’t accept something, I’m going to deal with it.

Brandon:

If I do then great.

Danielle:

But I like this.

Brandon:

Yeah.

Brandon:

And I think, you know, I’m just wrapping up relationships at the end of the day, you’ve got to be with someone who you’re in a relationship.

Brandon:

It really, you know, it’s not, I think it’s a mistake to say does your partner understand your commitment to your business?

Brandon:

It’s really is the foundation of your relationship.

Brandon:

Do you have a strong foundation in your relationship?

Danielle:

Because with that strong foundation, you can do anything, You can work a 9-5 job, you can start a business, you can travel the world you can do.

Brandon:

I mean, whatever I think is the point is it’s really about having that foundation in a relationship and making hard decisions and that is what will allow you to um if the other person accepts you for who you are for the for the most part, I like I said, I don’t want people to go out and be like, oh, I don’t do the dishes.

Brandon:

I mean let’s just be real over, you’re gonna have to make some compromises to live with anyone.

Brandon:

But yeah, So I think it’s good discussions.

Brandon:

Yeah.

Brandon:

So use the word except in place of understand.

Brandon:

Yeah, I might do that with, you know, if I get some text messages and I really just want to say exactly how you feel.

Brandon:

All you have to do is say, I don’t accept that and instantly creates accountability with the other person totally.

Brandon:

Yeah.

Brandon:

And they’re either going to like it or they don’t and then they’re going to go, well, I don’t so screw you or okay, I’ll deal with it, you know?

Brandon:

Um, it sounded like it sounded like you might have had an accepting or understanding situation yesterday in your day.

Brandon:

Yeah.

Brandon:

I mean it’s been a week.

Brandon:

Um, actually, you know, actually I can add to this for sure.

Brandon:

Just a quick little story before we get off the call.

Brandon:

Um, we’re dealing with a construction site right now that are quite disorganized and a lot of it comes from covid issues, trades being delayed.

Brandon:

Although I’m sure you are dealing with the same things on some of your sites and so they’re so kind of disorganized that the realtor is involved in booking and scheduling like pd I inspections, things like that, which is not something that we’ve ever dealt with before.

Brandon:

But it is what it is.

Brandon:

So, so we’re dealing with that.

Brandon:

And so last week, the real term, uh, this is what happened yesterday.

Brandon:

A realtor contacted us when we, they said to us, we will book the inspections around you guys and the final trades around you guys.

Brandon:

So you guys tell us when you guys can do the post construction cleaning, will book the touch ups, prior, do the clean, then we’ll have the inspection.

Brandon:

So we did.

Brandon:

So yesterday one of my teams, they get to the site, then Samantha calls me and they said they still have painters and Sanders and like windows being installed.

Brandon:

So Sam says, well, you know, I don’t really know like what you want us to do about this.

Brandon:

So the realtor texted me because we do know each other personally.

Brandon:

And she said, hey, sorry about the confusion today.

Brandon:

Now keep in mind, it’s like this one is like 43 suites in this condo building, small project, but still very chaotic.

Brandon:

And she said, and, and keep in mind, these are not just like one hour.

Brandon:

These are like quite a large project with a group of people that we have to schedule in to get this done.

Brandon:

She texas.

Brandon:

Oh my God, you know, so sorry, I’ve been chaotic with all the trades.

Brandon:

Um, can we just reschedule for tomorrow morning.

Brandon:

Like, no, I don’t accept that because I can’t do that.

Brandon:

Like we don’t have the people were on like 13 other sites.

Brandon:

We don’t have the space to do that.

Brandon:

I gave you this a week ago.

Brandon:

You should have either one informed us because there’s no way that you only knew yesterday when we called you.

Brandon:

Um you know, you probably knew this.

Danielle:

We would have liked some appreciation or some heads up in regards to that.

Danielle:

And, and so I didn’t even respond with.

Danielle:

I understand because I don’t flip and understand because as a business owner, you should be communicating these things to your trades and your partners and the people that you work with.

Danielle:

So I should have responded with.

Brandon:

Sorry, I don’t accept that.

Brandon:

I just said unfortunately we cannot.

Brandon:

So we’re going to have to figure something else out.

Brandon:

Um but I definitely did not say I understand because that would have just been like, I understand, you know, like f off, I don’t understand.

Brandon:

So Yeah, yeah.

Danielle:

Sounds like a major disruption.

Brandon:

Oh, and you know what I I do understand with the covid delays and trades and equipment and just all of those things.

Brandon:

I understand that I don’t understand poor business decisions to not let your trades, your partners and people know of disruptions.

Brandon:

So you understand the covid implications or um what covid has caused, but you don’t accept poor business management.

Brandon:

Right?

Brandon:

Exactly.

Brandon:

And that’s what I don’t understand.

Brandon:

So, you know, I’m sorry, I do not accept it.

Brandon:

Yeah.

Brandon:

No, exactly.

Brandon:

So there you go.

Danielle:

There.

Danielle:

You have it folks.

Danielle:

I don’t know if we’ve given you any framework but we certainly hopefully have provided you some insights from experience of relationships and building a business that I hope can help.

Danielle:

Yeah, I agree.

Danielle:

And and just one kind of final four note that I just would like to just throw out there.

Danielle:

I think it is important to actually be with somebody that you actually want to accept things with and and work you know together on on those accepting things.

Danielle:

I totally, I totally agree.

Brandon:

So Um well have a good weekend.

Brandon:

I won’t, I won’t text your email you after 1:00 tomorrow.

Brandon:

You can, I just might tell you that you won’t tell me anything if your stuff is truly turned off but we’ll see.

Brandon:

It won’t be turned off.

Brandon:

It will just be there for emergencies.

Brandon:

So there you go.

Brandon:

All right then, have a good weekend youtube by everyone.

Danielle:

Thanks for being generous with your time and joining us for this episode of the Edge before you go.

Brandon:

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Brandon:

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Danielle:

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